Memories of a Foster Child named Raewyn are few and far between but I reckon they may be worth recording. Because you never know one day she may try to find us.
Memories, I feel, will remind me of who I am, why I am, where I came from and in fact may help me know why I am going in the direction I am going, an understanding of how I got here.
So many memories shape your life, recognition of those fears you have may explain why you do those things you do, hopefully without spending bucket loads on counselors. You know the ones that you don’t actually want to talk to, the ones that force you to talk and then you spend the whole time crying so much that you can’t get it out anyway. Such a waste of time and money for me.
Yes this is true and it has happened to me a couple of times, I give up, only slightly crazy on the inside, I promise.
Where to start, well the beginning of my memories would be good wouldn’t they, I have already shared one post prompted by photos which helped uncover some of those memories that I knew were hiding, just a great excuse really to share, record and leave behind for my children.
This photo below, I so wish I had more concrete memories of. I have heard about this little girl Raewyn but I don’t remember her. I know my parents were fostering her and that they loved her. I also know that her mother took her back, my father said that the mother was jealous, that the daughter was dressed nicely and clearly looked after, think he was a bit resentful, probably because of the pain it would have caused mother.
I have since heard that the father had a sad story attached to him and was probably devastated that his child had to go into foster care. Unfortunately I don’t know the full story.
I can only imagine what it would have been like to have to give up a child to fostering, heart renching surely, not something that the majority of us could cope with. What I do notice though, that in these photos I have seen of her, she looks sad, even the ones where the neighborhood gang, arms surrounding her in camaraderie, smiling, in the purple circle so to speak.
Trust me I know these neighbourhood kids and they are all amazing woman who have gone on to have their own families. So I do wonder how much she missed her mum, no matter how much my parents cared for her, she must have had fears, felt lonely, confused, such sadness in these photos, I wonder if she was aware that her family somewhere were waiting in the wings for the time that they could take her back.
Well yes as far as I know she was returned to her family, what must my parents have thought, I bet they grieved for what could have been? I believe my mother did.
But have no fear as they went on to have six children in all, lucky me was the first. anybody have first child hang ups, you know the ones, where you become the crash test dummy.
I often wondered what happened to Raewyn xx
|Rae and Raewyn, love the dresses, I vaguely remember the dress being itchy, Raewyn is holding my hand I so wish I remembered this little girl lost.|
|Raewyn and Pam (my mother), see Raewyn is still not smiling, I just want to hug her.|
|Here we are at the Zoo, Alan, Rae, Pam, Raewyn. I so want my mothers dress, it’s gorgeous. I remember the print.
In fact I can see and smell that dress, a crisp cotton, it was my favourite.
|Look a little smile at last. Alan, Rae, Raewyn. As you can see I am older here so I am guessing they had her for a while.|
|There she is again on the right, a little little smile, with the neighbourhood gang.|
This reminds me not to take for granted or to ignore a child’s fears, feelings or their assumptions. To be more aware, of those little ones around me, to be grateful for the life we have been able to give to our children.